How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
