omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Holy shit dude........stairs
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
