I showed him my bush... on skype.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Randomize
