A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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