Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
you never un-have a 4some
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
