oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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