Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
no. you can't hotbox the world.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
