do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
