party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
