I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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