Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Randomize
