Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
