i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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