I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
