She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
