I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Randomize
