When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
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He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
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Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize