Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
