fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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