Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
