Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
