Life is so much better after having sex.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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