Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
