i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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