Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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