eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
