your room smells of hookers.
And success
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
