Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
