3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
