Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
