well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
