I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
