your parents love me but you hate me
That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
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