i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Bring me that man meat
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
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