Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
