I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
