my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
