btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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