is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
