you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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