you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
