I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
