her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
