I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
