It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
