oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
She bit a glass in half.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
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