my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
