uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
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