i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize