for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
