I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
