Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize