You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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