Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
He passed out mid-signature
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
