Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
