I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Randomize
