there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
