So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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