if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
True but thats because hes a fetus.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
