Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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