I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
