I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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