Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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