census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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