fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
