You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
We just shotgunned beers for America
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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