I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
