I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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